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Luke’s Journal July 2026  |  Vol.31  No.2  |  Sexuality

When women come to me, ready to at last share their darkest sin, they are always expecting me to be shocked, because surely no other woman would have this kind of struggle. I give them a warm and understanding smile. It is understanding because I have been there.

Pornography addiction is a women’s issue

And I don’t mean that it’s an issue as wives struggle with their husband’s addiction (though that certainly is a real issue) or that we struggle as we see unhelpful things on Netflix and have some less than holy thoughts.

What I mean is that women, women of all backgrounds and experiences and ages, Christian women, struggle with addiction to pornography. We (women) live in an age where it is easy to access and keep hidden. There is nothing about us that makes us immune to any kind of sexual brokenness.

A Christian woman who struggles in this area has the same problem we all have: we all fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). I think this verse in Isaiah evokes the right kind of imagery: “All of us have become like something unclean, and all our righteous acts are like a polluted garment; all of us wither like a leaf, and our iniquities carry us away like the wind.” (Isaiah 64:6)

When women come to me, ready to at last share their darkest sin, they are always expecting me to be shocked, because surely no other woman would have this kind of struggle. I give them a warm and understanding smile. It is understanding because I have been there. I have carried that burden: the shame that makes you feel unknowable and seems to disqualify you from Christian service and relationships, where you harbour the fear in your heart that you are worse than everyone else. And it is a warm smile because I know the fullness of the truth of who Jesus says I am and who Jesus says they are.

“The struggle with pornography is not easily overcome with effort. We often know and feel how it is damaging us.”

The struggle with pornography is not easily overcome with effort. We often know and feel how it is damaging us. We long to be free and yet find ourselves turning back again and again. We think, “This will stop being an issue when I’m married,” or “When I have kids, I won’t want to do this anymore.” Our life circumstances change and again we find ourselves turning back towards this same shameful habit that seems like it’s going to be with us forever..

So how do we overcome such a pervasive issue? And how do we support women who are hurting?

We must start with identity. First Jesus’ and then our own.

The identity of Jesus

It is important that we get right who Jesus is, or we will perceive Him in our pain as the judgmental voice we use to talk to ourselves. So, who is this Jesus? He is glorious and divine and good. He is God Himself, made flesh. But why ‘made flesh’? Isaiah says it is to bear our iniquities (Isaiah 53:5-11). Let’s think about that. From the moment of creation, we see God giving good to the people He has made in His image (Gen 1:27-20). He designed us for relationship with Him, to be close with Him. And we broke that closeness, we chose again and again things that aren’t good, lesser things, over the divine true God. And how does God respond? He pursues us, He comes and submits Himself to our darkness to save us. He leaves His glory aside (Philippians 2:5-11), knowing full well our darkness and sin, and willingly takes upon Himself the punishment for all that sin.

“And how does God respond? He pursues us, He comes and submits Himself to our darkness to save us.”

I’m always struck by that phrase in 1 Corinthians 11:23: ”on the night He was betrayed…” On that very night, Jesus knew He was being betrayed – by Judas, yes, but also by all His close friends who would run and abandon Him to his fate, including Peter, who would deny Him fiercely, cursing as he did so. On that very night, He set up for them a meal where they would tangibly know and remember how He loves them and gave Himself up for them. Do you think Jesus loves you less when you betray Him? Do you think He moves away from you? No, He comes closer.

This is the kind of God we serve. This is what Jesus says to the Pharisees as He scolds them, “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.” (Matthew 23:37) Have you ever seen a hen gathering her chicks underneath her? It looks ridiculous; like a mum with an impossibly big skirt and an untold number of toddlers peeking out underneath. At the peak of our defiance, what Jesus always wants is to come closer.

Our identity

I wonder if, as we’ve looked at who Jesus is, whether you’ve also started to catch a sense of our identity. It’s hard not to, as God has wrapped up so much of His revelation of Himself with the story of how He has made us and saves us.

If you are a woman who has put her faith in this Jesus and who struggles with pornography addiction, you need to know that you belong to this Jesus and you are forgiven. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like we’ve done enough or suffered enough to make up for the things we’ve done. We feel the need to make further atonement in ourselves, to keep ourselves as outcasts so we can become worthy. A common feeling I hear from women is, “It’s too easy.” They confess their sin to that trusted person they love and respect and they hear the acceptance and understanding they have been longing for. The trust person sings with them, “Yes! You have been forgiven!” But there is a nagging feeling left over, a doubt that it has all been to easy and more atonement is needed.

“And this is why we need to start with who Jesus is. When we know who He is, and we look at the cross, we can see that it was not an ‘easy’ payment that was made for our sin.”

And this is why we need to start with who Jesus is. When we know who He is, and we look at the cross, we can see that it was not an ‘easy’ payment that was made for our sin. It is this payment that Jesus made that makes David say with confidence, “Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow” (Psalm 51:7). No one else can wash us, only Jesus. It is Jesus whom we’ve sinned against, and He who has made the heavy payment for us in full, because He desires us (Psalm 132).

If you’re a woman who has put her faith in Jesus and who doesn’t struggle with pornography addiction – you need this Jesus and this washing too. We can only gently point our sisters to Jesus when we see Jesus and ourselves rightly. By God’s grace, I have been free of this addiction for many years now. But also by God’s grace, I am still ever aware of my myriad other sins, my ongoing need for His forgiveness and the wondrous truth of Jesus’ longing  for me to humble myself before Him and enjoy His affection and forgiveness.

If you know the depth of your sin, you are blessed. If you are forgiven much, you will love much (Luke 7:40-50).

Are we fixed now?

Well, yes and no. We are secure.

This love into which we have been adopted is ours. It is ours because Jesus has secured it for us and His payment is sufficient. It’s not the end of the story, but the rest of the story is good. This is the part where we, from a place of knowing we are white as snow, can begin having our shame removed and putting sin to death. When we know where we stand, we can begin to open our lives and struggles to women who will also love and support us. We can begin to confidently do uncomfortable work, seeing how vast and unsearchable Jesus’ love is to cover our sin, our actions and our thoughts, as we submit them to Him again and again.

In her book, Quenched, at the end of a chapter called ‘The Long Walk Redeemed’ Jessica Harris says, “When you are stuck in the depths of your story, in the moments and memories tattered by pain and brokenness, where sin’s teeth and evil’s claws have sunk in and punctured your heart, Jesus, in His love, grace, and desire for you says, ‘Let her go. That story now belongs to me.’ He redeems us. He buys back our stories.”¹

If you’re a friend or a practitioner supporting someone in this journey, it is your call and joy to be reminding this dear woman of the sweetness of Jesus and the completeness of His work to save her, the reality of His closeness and desire for her. Whatever treatment approach or methodology you have, she needs to be seen as Jesus sees her. She needs you to listen deeply, as Jesus listens.

She is more than this one painful and complicated piece of her journey, and it may take time to process and pull each thread and let grace seep into every hidden part in her heart.

There are likely to be setbacks and unearthed hurts and memories. There are going to be times when you both feel hopeless as you walk through heartache and rejections. Identity is the starting point that helps you see her as Jesus sees her.  As you continue looking deeply at Jesus, you will, with authenticity, be able to speak the truth that she needs to hear to keep going – she is made clean.

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1. Harris J. Quenched. Grand Rapids (MI): Baker Books, 2023.